Years ago a friend of mine taught me a very important lesson. He told me a story about himself and how a good friend of his actually taught him this lesson (see how this works?) He told me that one day this friend asked him "hey, how's it going?" and without further ado he began to tell her all about how stressed he was and how terrible his life was going. She listened for a bit (it was unclear how long) and then interrupted him. She went on to explain that this was becoming a rather bad habit of late, this complaining. She explained further that when one asks another, "How are you?" you must realize that in almost all cases, the burden is on the respondent to not read too much into the question and to respond in a way that includes the person who asked.
For instance "How are you today?" (Maybe you are tired) "Oh, it's been a long day, can't wait to get home!" This is something the person who asked can relate to and does not force them to engage you any further if that person chooses not to.
A good friend or loved one knows what is going on with you and will most likely ask more specific questions, indicating to you that you may proceed to discuss an issue in greater detail.
This has proven to be good advice in my life in that it keeps those around me from becoming leery of me in social (or more intimate) situations. This, like any other good habit, can be difficult to make a part of your life, but in the end is defiantly worth it.
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2 comments:
I find myself doing this same thing right now and I'm trying so hard to not complain when someone talks to me. It's about being positive and not giving people your life story when they ask "How are you" or "What's new". Another great post, James!
I hope all is well with the Gleason family!
I'm torn with that one James and i've give thought to it before. Is it the respondants responsibility or the one who initiates the conversation? If you ask me how am I, I may feel like Oh this person cares, i'll tell them how I am and what's going on because they asked, they just care. However if you say "Hi, its good to see you today" or "Good Morning, have a good day" etc. The respondant is not given an opportunity to pour this woes on you. they can simply say Hello or Good Morning, thanks you too... My philospy is don't ask a question if you really don't want an answer. I'm not trying ot be mean, but like you said James, I ask those who i'm close to and care most about a question because I care about their answer.
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